


The dark past of Lee Seunghyun

by yudora



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Angst, Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Bonding, Brotherly Love, Depression, Hallucinations
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-15 03:47:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10549552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yudora/pseuds/yudora
Summary: Bigbang's youngest member Lee Seunghyun has a dark secret and a dark past. Even to this moment he is hiding a part of him from the world and the people closest to him, Big Bang. What is the tragic past?





	1. Chapter one. [Seungri pov]

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The dark past of Lee Seunghyun](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/281984) by eudoramp. 



It all started years ago, when I was just 5 years old. I had a hyung. He was kind, gentle, and understanding. His name is Jang Jaesuk. He loved to dance and sing, his dream was to become a singer, an idol. In the end, he couldn't become one.

Instead, I replaced him. I lived his dream. I – Lee Seung Hyun – am living a dream that my hyung couldn't achieved. By the name of Seungri, I shine as Bigbang's youngest member. You must have thought I am happy, why can't I be? I have four hyungs that take care of me, I have a university and restaurants, I am successful. How can I not be happy? But you're wrong. I am not happy at all.

Eventhough, Jang Jaesuk has died a long time ago, he still hunts me to this moment. I can see him everywhere I go, and in my eyes, he looks so alive. He talks to me everyday, asks me to join him. "I can't hyung, bigbang hyungs love me, they need me," is what I always say.

"Seungri! What are you doing? Come! We're going up the stage!" screamt my leader, Jiyong hyung.

"Okay hyung," I replied.

We went up the stage and started the night with a song titled 'Bang Bang Bang' our newest song. Everything went well, like usual. I had only one trouble, the imagination Jaesuk hyung can't shut up. He was incredibly noisy today. 

"Seung hyun, you look fatter"

"Seung hyun, your voice cracked"

"Seung hyun, don't dance. Your dance suck" 

He kept on going on and on about my faults and flaws while I was performing, it started to get annoying each time that I actually scream a little. Fortunately, the fans didn't find it suspicious because I usually scream a lot in performances. I wonder why Jaesuk hyung couldn't shut up.

After we've finished our performances, we decided to go to eat in a restaurant, all five of us. It's been a long time, finally I can eat together with big bang hyungs like old times.

"Seungri-ah, why did you scream so loud just now, I thought my ears would go deaf," said Yongbae hyung jokingly as he laughed it off. 

"Hahaha, you know me hyung I just want to liven up the mood," I said while chuckling awkwardly.

"But you look like you were mad, like you were screaming at someone," said Jiyong hyung. 

Jiyong hyung is sharp. He always knows what is wrong with me, I have to be more careful. 

"No need, don't be careful. Why don't you want to introduce me to your hyungs?" asked Jaesuk hyung. He was standing beside our table staring at us eating, at least in my imagination. I don't know whether this whole Jaesuk hyung is real, he must not be real, he is only a part of my imagination. 

"I am not. I am real," said Jaesuk hyung again. I have enough!

"Shut up!" I screamt. Jiyong hyung was startled by my scream. He wasn't expecting me to answer his question with a loud scream, especially with the word that was considered impolite to say to an older person. 

"What did you say maknae!?" uttered Jiyong, his voice was slightly raised. 

Oh no, he got angry. "I I wasn't talking to you hyung, It's just the restaurant is so noisy, and I have a headache, sorry," I apologized, tried to sound as pitiful as possible. 

Jiyong hyung was looking at me so weirdly, I couldn't help but avoid his stare. 

"Is something bothering you little Seunghyun?" there he went again, with a tender voice he asked my condition. I always feel so touched whenever he uses that tone, no wonder he's my favorite. 

"Nothing hyung," I said with a smile. I was sure my face looked like shit, because I felt like crying. 

"You are disgusting, felt touched just because your so called leader called you 'little seunghyun', " again with Jaesuk hyung. Why does he treat me so badly, he must not be real, he must not. The Jang Jaesuk that I know is loving and kind, this Jaesuk hyung is not real. 

I continued eating my food ignoring the noises that my hyungs made. I wanted to finish my dinner as soon as possible so I could go home and take a rest. I just wanted to sleep this off, I wanted to escape reality.

We've returned to our dorm. I laid on my bed, thinking how cruel life is to me. For almost twenty years I've been living with an imaginary Jaesuk hyung, even as I sleep he stands on the corner of my room watching. He's always there everywhere I go, but Jaesuk hyung always wants me dead. Why? It must be because of me, because of me he died, therefore he wanted me to come to him too. He wanted me dead too. 

Is it him? Or is it me?


	2. Chapter two. [G-dragon pov]

I was so happy to have little Seunghyun to be the final member of Bigbang. Seungri is cute, his face is cute, his personality is cute too, everything about him is cute, but I couldn't help but think that he is a little bit weird.

Once I caught him talking to himself in his room, he was looking into an empty space and seemed to be talking to something.

"No, hyung. I don't want to do that," he said. Who was he talking to? What was he talking to?

Seungri is really weird, but no-one realizes it but me.

Sometimes Seungri would stare into a faraway place as if his mind was wandering around somewhere far. The noisy and hyperactive Seungri would just suddenly turn quite and stop talking. Sometimes he would cry alone at night with no particular reasons, and it hurt me so much everytime I found him in that situation.

When I asked him what happened, he would say,

"Nothing hyung, don't worry."

When I caught him talking to himself and asked him who did he talk to he would say,

"I was just thinking hyung, nothing big."

Seungri is always cute but he has a weird side that I can't understand. I wish he can open his heart and share the things that troubles him more. I wish I can open up his mind and take a peek myself, I wish I understand.

Nowadays, Seungri weirderness increased. He doesn't talk that much, doesn't crack as much joke as he usually did, and the weirdess thing is, he has stopped praising himself.

The over-confident Seungri has stopped praising himself, has stopped being as confident as he used to. Something must be wrong, there must be something big that is going on with Seungri. His behavior has started to get weirder and weirder.

Today was no different either.

He screamed on stage with a scary expression on his face, a very different scream than the scream he usually did. He also screamed at me and calling me to shut up, Seungri never ever said the word 'shut up' before, at least not to me.

"Jiyong hyung, what were you thinking about?" asked Daesung hyung who sat next to me. Daesung and I share the same room, usually I would choose to be in the same room with Seungri, but Seungri insisted to have his own room.

"Seungri," I said

"What? Why are you thinking about him hyung?" asked Daesung, he laughed a little, he might have found this whole situation funny because I am always thinking about Seungri.

"He has started to become weird lately," I said. Not that I didn't know he was weird to begin with, but Daesung and the others don't know what I have inside my mind about Seungri, I don't plan to tell them yet.

"I don't know, I guess so. Well, he never screamed at you before, why did he do that just now? Is something troubling him?" asked Daesung, now his face has turned more serious.

"There must be something wrong, he just didn't want to tell me," I uttered with so much concern.

"What is it I wonder, do you want to ask Seungri now?" asked Daesung, "I'll ask him."

I don't think it's a good idea to disturb Seungri resting time, I feel like Seungri is in a deep stressful situation right now, I wanted to stop Daesung, but he has gone out of the room.


	3. Chapter three. [Daesung pov]

The first time I saw Seungri, he seemed to be a bit distant. I was walking while carrying a big box on my shoulder the first time I met him.

"Where should I go?" he asked me.

"Upstairs," I simply said.

It was only a short conversation, but I could see that his eyes didn't seem to be staring into mine. It was as if he was staring at something behind me, or even further behind.

Seungri is optimistic, he always praises himself. That is something that I can never understand, how can he praise himself with his own mouth? How can he be so unbelievable. I can't help but admire him for that optimistic self of him.

Seungri has turned weird nowadays. I don't know if it's just my imagination, but he seems to be very restless lately. Even Jiyong hyung has started to get worried.

I decided I need to ask him what happened.

I've knocked for a couple of times but I didn't receive an answer at all. Is he sleeping?

"Seungri, seungri," I knocked again.

"Yes hyung? Coming," I heard his footstep walking to the door.

"Hyung? What are you doing? It's 9 pm, aren't you sleeping?" asked Seungri. His face looked a bit anxious.

"Can I talk to you, Seungri?"

"What's this about?"

I forced myself into Seungri's room and sat on his bed, not waiting for him to agree. Seungri seemed to be hiding something from me, why did he look like he wanted me to leave as soon as possible.

"Close the door Seungri, let's talk," I demended with a stern voice. An elder brother's voice.

Seungri let out a sigh before he closed the door and seated on the bed right next to me. For about five minutes we didn't talk. I observed Seungri room and it's clean and tidy, and more importantly looked so not suspicous at all.

"What do you want to talk about, hyung?" Seungri asked, breaking the silence. I looked at him right into his eyes. As soon as I did that he averted his eyes away from me, and awkardly hummed a weird melody.

"Is there something bothering you lately, *maknae-ah?" I asked.

"Huh? Of course nothing is wrong with me hyung?" said Seungri. His eyes that didn't look straight into mine while saying that didn't convince me at all.

"Ri, you know you can always tell us everything. We're your friends, and most importantly your brother. We may not be bound together by blood, but we're bound together with something special. We love you Ri, especially Jiyong hyung. You know it right?" I explained, trying to convince him to open his heart to us, to me.

"Hyung, don't worry. There's nothing wrong with me! Really! I just felt so tired lately, I just felt so tired that even breathing has become tiring and to hard to handle. Don't worry hyung with plenty of rests and sleeps I will return to my usual self in no time," he said. This time he did smile a little bit. Maybe he was just tired. I shouldn't take his sleep time away from him, I should let him sleep.

"Okay then Seungri, don't worry. Get plenty of rest, I'll tell Jiyong hyung and let him manage your schedule so you won't be so tired anymore. Okay? You will forver be our baby brother," I said. I hugged him and squeezed him between my arms. He squealed and tried his very best to free himself, I found him so cute. My Seungri is always cute.

I let him go and ruffled his hair before I went out of his room and returned to mine.

 

As soon as I returned to my own room, Jiyong hyung pampered me with bunch of questions.

"How is Seungri?"

"Is he okay?"

"Did he act weird?"

"Did he yell at you?"

Too much questions, I didn't even know which to answer first.

"Calm down hyung, Seungri was just tired," I said.

Jiyong hyung looked at me, he didn't seem to be convinced with my answer. Why didn't he believe me I was the one who walked to his room and actually asked him myself.

"Hyung, you don't belive me?" I asked, acted like I was betrayed.

"I don't know, Dae," said Jiyong. He paused and let out a huge sigh and continued, "I just felt like he is more than tired."

He did seem like he was exhausted to death, especially when he admitted that he found even breathing tiring. Breathing, the most simple and must do for every living creatures that still wish to live, is tiring. Maybe this case is severe. I furrowed my eyebrows and let out a worried expression. Jiyong hyung must have caught my frown.

"What happened? Did he say something else that sounded strange? Sounded out of place? Sounded terrible?"

I looked at Jiyong hyung with my worried expression. Hearing Jiyong hyung's question make me realize that indeed Seungri's statement is a little bit disturbing. I could feel my face turned pale as I watched Jiyong hyung's face turning pale.

"He said he was tired of breathing."


	4. Chapter four. [G-dragon pov]

I was so shocked when I heard Seungri was talking about being to tired to even breath. My face actually turned pale and my blood ran cold. This might be more dangerous than I thought it was, I knew then I have to warn the others. 

"We need to talk," I simply said to Daesung while biting my nails, a habit that I always do when I'm scared or nervous. 

"Okay, what are we going to talk about?" asked Daesung sounded nervous. 

"I mean we, Daesung, us as big bang except Seungri," I emphasized because Daesung didn't seem to understand. 

"Oh okay, let me call the other hyungs," said Daesung as he went out of the room to call Yongbae and Top hyung. 

I was anxious, scared, nervous. I know that Seungri is weird but despite his weirderness, I love him so much as if he's my own brother. Oh, how much I love him and care for him. I don't want him to turn suicidal, I don't want him to hurt himself. I am so stupid. I should have realized this sooner and I called myself a leader.

Daesung then came in with the others behind him. They looked completely clueless and confuse as to why we gathered without Seungri. 

"Hey Ji, what's wrong?" my bestfriend or maybe childhood friend, Yongbae, asked me. Top was also paying attention by now.

"Hey listen carefully to what I am going to say, all of you," I warned them. I paused to look at their reaction, answers anything. Not until they all noded that I started explaining to them the situation of our maknae, Seungri. 

I told them how Seungri has his weird side all along that they missed. How Seungri seemed to be strugling with something that no one knows from the begining of Big Bang's career. The way he talks to himself, the way he day dreams, the way he turns quiet so suddenly. His weirderness that has turned completely out of hands especially when he has yelled at me, me. Finally, I told them the statement that Seungri has said to Daesung.

He found breathing tiring. He has become to tired to breath. 

"W-what!? No way Seungri said something like that," said Top hyung, trying his best to convince himself. 

"No way," I heard Yongbae whispered to himself while grabbing his hair. 

"Yes, that's what Seungri said to Daesung," I emphasized once more. 

"I don't know that Seungri has that weird side, he sure hide it well," said Daesung. Daesung was quiet for a moment before he spoke, "guys, maybe this is a sign of depression." 

"Depression!?" Top exclaimed. His face has started to pale, and looking at our one and only eldest brother turned pale actually sent goosebumps all over me. 

"Yes, maybe he developed some kind of hallucinations," said Daesung. 

I was started to become light headed, I've never thought about this possibility all these years. I have known these facts longer than Daesung did but I didn't understand, didn't get it. 

How stupid. I hit my head unconsiously, I blamed myself. 

"Hyung, what are you doing!? Stop hitting your head," said Daeusung. He caught my hand and held it. 

"Yeah Ji, what are you doing?" asked Yongbae with a caring look. 

"I was stupid. No, I am stupid. How could I not realize it all these times, Seungri must have been in a deep depression and I let him," I said with a faint voice. 

"No, Ji. You wouldn't have known," said Top. 

"Yeah, don't blame yourself hyung," uttered Daesung as he patted my back. 

Tears started to blur my vision, I felt so sad, so stupid. I would pay attention to Seungri, protect him and be on his side more. I encouraged the others to do the same and they agreed. 

I wanted to praise him more, spoil him more. I want to tell him how precious, how beautiful he was, is, and always be, and the most important thing is I wanted to protect him. 

I wanted to protect him from himself.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is actually written by me on another side, 'wattpad' go check my wattpad: eudoramp.  
> Thank you.


End file.
